“you should have figured it out by now”

and other lies I can’t stop telling myself

Hello darling friend!

THANK YOU for all your thoughtful responses to my piece of Mother’s Day. One comment gave me a 💡 moment: 

“While your post focuses on relationships with moms in particular, I still felt a connection to all you spoke about. I am estranged from my siblings. It's not easy. It's not my first choice. As you point out, things have to be incredibly bad for someone to choose not to have a relationship with a relative.”

Family is SO important, and something our society TELLS us is so important, and so, when we are forced into estrangement, that alone tells us something is deeply wrong. I’m not advocating for estrangement, and I don’t think it has to be a permanent state, but just a lot of compassion to ANYONE who has had to pause a relationship with their family. I know that however you ended up here - that’s not what you would have chosen for yourself. And THANK YOU for your comments. I read, appreciate, take in, love, and respond to every posted comment. 

Always feel free to share your thoughts with me below (if you reply to this email, odds are it’s going to get lost!)

Gentle Nudge:

Speaking of family - YOU are MY FAM  and I need you to help decide what my next book is about. Come to my first “Family Meeting.” We’ll Live Journal, we’ll chat, we’ll open our damn hearts. Meet folks in this very community! FULL DISCLOSURE: at the end I’m going to talk about the ways people can work with me including my small coaching group AND MY UPCOMING RETREAT!!! AHHHH! You will be the FIRST to be able to sign up :) But this is not a webinar bait and switch sitch. I point that out because I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS TO ME! 

📲 RSVP HERE. Sweatpants encouraged. Opinions required.

i should have figured it all out by now

I spent Mother’s Day not at the spa, but on my sofa, working on a google doc named, “What the F*ck is My Life Purpose” (you KNOW i love a google doc!) For many happy, flow-y hours, I wrote about how I want to show up in the world, who I want to be to YOU, and how I think I can be the most helpful version of myself. I felt good, confident, and by the end of the session, EXPANSIVE AS F*CK. I settled on something like:

My life purpose is to make other people feel less alone in their suffering and offer them hope, practical tools, and incremental change, to use their agency and build a life they f*cking love. 

PS: Does that sound right to you? If you wouldn’t mind telling me in the comments how or if I’ve been useful  - you could help me craft my life purpose!!! 

ANYWAYS, I felt GOOD, ALIGNED, STANDING IN MY DAMN TRUTH! That is, of course, until  I had one conversation with an expert about this very newsletter and my Frenemy Within piped up! DAMN! If I was really good at my job, the newsletter would be bigger. If I wasn’t such a lazy f*ck up, it would be more viral. If I hadn’t wasted every opportunity I’ve been given I would get more comments from readers…something is wrong with me, I’m a failure.

Now, I’ve done enough self-work to know that when I get into the black and white world of “EVERYTHING IS RUINED” I am probably in some trauma land of my childhood where I’m eight years old and terrified. And so, I was able to pull myself out of the spiral relatively quickly and bring an insight nugget along with me: I don’t have a metric for success for this newsletter - so I can never meet it. I will always feel “not good enough” if I don’t decide what “enough” is. 

This got me to thinking - well, what WOULD a successful newsletter look like?

I think the metric of success would be if I am able to fully be myself with you AND provide you with something valuable, such that you open your heart to mine and we become more and more a community.

For the next month I am going to be experimenting with the format here but mainly, I am going to challenge myself to be as vulnerable, honest, and truthful as possible. I am also going to re-launch with a new name I’m low-key obsessed with :) 

ANYWAYS - does this spur anything for you? Is there anything you need or want from me or that you think I uniquely provide you? Don’t leave me out here screaming into the void. 

In the least cheesy way possible:

I love you. I see you. I’m here for you and want to evolve to be more and more here and helpful to you. 

T$ Stamp of Approval:

• My business coach Selena Soo just wrote a VERY good book (and I don’t say that lightly - I am a real B about books) that’s all about how the richness of your friendships and relationships determines the richness of your life and in particular your business. I have seen that FIRST HAND. The MOST VALUABLE (and life giving) tool I have in my business is my network. It’s your network who will help you brainstorm, weather a storm, or even drum up business for you. 

Rich Relationships is a tactical masterclass in building a network that you support and that supports you. Not in a fake, business-card-flinging, name-drop city way, but in a real, life-changing way. 

If you’ve ever felt like networking makes you want to hide in a bathroom stall with your phone, Rich Relationships will be your new Bible. Buy it, devour it, and thank me later. 

Until next week, friends!