How nice of you to write to me in your newsletter! I feel so seen. 🫶🏼
Really though, it is so perfectly aligned with everything I’ve done lately in a desperate attempt to get “unstuck” (and I’m actually beginning to feel the benefits...who would have thought). I still have work to do, but just taking baby steps (sending an email, reaching out and connecting with people, putting the damn paint on a blank sheet of paper) rather than hold back out of fear that things won’t turn out a certain way is so liberating. Expectations are a mindfuck. I’ve always loved how Jen Pastiloff puts it. Rather than expect to be disappointed, “expect to be delighted”.
Thank you so much for this Tara!!! I’m going to try this! I have such a difficult starting things because I expect perfection and I’m always doubting I’ll be good at it! This has been an amazing suggestion and I will be trying it! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thank you again!!!
I really love this topic and am excited to find other people with a shared enthusiasm! As it relates to just getting started on something, can I tell you how long it took me to choose a "just right" journal for this month's journaling challeng? The answer is TOO long.
I also subscribe to Oliver Burkeman's newsletter, The Imperfectionist (highly recommend), and he wrote on a very similar topic this week. His main takeaway tip (I'm paraphrasing) was that you don't need another productivity system or routine or whatever it is. Just think of the one thing that you want to be doing that you're not doing and find a way to do just a little bit of that thing today. Doing so helps prove to yourself that doing it is possible and builds that muscle. After reading this, I finally got around to ironing some fabric that had been sitting around for weeks so that I can get started on a project I've been wanting to do but haven't gotten to for whatever reason.
Another strategy I've been experimenting with over the past year is not letting myself keep a running To Do list. I realized that I'd been using the list as a form of perfectionism or procrastination. Writing something on a To Do list reinforces the idea that I need to feel perfectly ready to do something first, and I will feel perfectly ready only at some ill-defined later time but not now. Instead, I'm trying to just address little tasks as they naturally come up and dealing with the discomfort of not feeling perfectly equiped.
Sorry for the long comment, I'm just really into this topic :)
LOVE this entire comment - all of it. Particularly focusing on ONE thing and making it happen. You don't need a whole system. Often, you just need to set aside time (and your ego) and get going1 Glad you're here, Marnie :)
Idk about jock straps, but I can tell you cups are a thing because when my son started playing hockey at the tender age of 6, he got his first one and promptly said, “Mom! PUNCH ME!! IT WON’T EVEN HURT!!” (Needless to say, I did not accept this invitation.)
And on a note that’s actually related to what you wrote - thank you for this! I’ve been having trouble getting started with some work lately because I’m worried about it being PERFECT. I’m going to try the visualization of throwing that shit out and see how it goes today!!
Yes!! He called his gear “armor” for years. If we were out in public after a game and he had it on still, he’d ask other random people to punch him. (In the chest or arm, though, thank god.)
😂 I used to babysit for a family with 3 boys. The older 2 played hockey and one day when I got there the younger one couldn’t wait to tell me he got his first one. Later, I walked in to the other’s room and he about died of embarrassment when he realized his was on the floor. I acted like it was nothing but as soon as I walked out couldn’t help but laugh at the difference with age. They were also my best friend’s brothers (she was away at school) so I had been around them constantly.
I love this approach! It feels so much more intuitive & magical than what I do.
What works for me (and perhaps I should preface this by saying I'm an educator, so projects and deadlines are a big part of my life, I've literally been in school-- as a student or faculty member-- since I was 4 years old. I started college in 1993, finished my Ph.D in 2003, and have been teaching there ever since) is:
1. Tidying up my space (both my desk + whatever is on my computer screen)
2. Making a check list of the steps needed to complete the project/accomplish the task-- or if it’s a writing project, make an outline of the key points I want to be sure to cover
3. Giving myself permission to write the introduction/opening *last.* Instead of getting stuck on trying to find a great opening line and over-thinking the best way to connect with the audience, I give myself permission to jump right in to one of the key points, until I have all of the key points done. Next I write the conclusion/closing. And very last I go back & write the beginning. I find it much easier that way, as by the time I’ve written everything else, the opening often comes quite easily — instead of feeling like an insurmountable obstacle. I often do this with emails too.
In case it helps for me to mention, as I imagine I’m not alone in this (as someone who is, as Brené Brown would say, an over-functioner, who “cares too much,” and aimed for perfection when I was younger), I often ask myself 3 questions (especially when feeling stuck on a project or overwhelmed by the amount of work required to finish a project):
1. What if this was easy? How can I make this easy?
2. Can I be okay with this? What can I do to be okay with this?
3. Can this be good enough?
I hope this might be of help to others, again, it’s nowhere near as creative as your approach, Tara.
And thank you for creating this community on Substack. I was part of your Glow Getters book launch last Spring and really loved the Zoom calls. I couldn’t keep up with MightyNetworks; Substack feels much more seamless. Thank you for all you do and the way you shine your light in the world! ☺️
The Artist’s Way is a treasure. I’m on week 4 and I read a chapter every Sunday. It’s like my own little church right now. (AND! It’s helping me actually get my writing done and posted!)
How nice of you to write to me in your newsletter! I feel so seen. 🫶🏼
Really though, it is so perfectly aligned with everything I’ve done lately in a desperate attempt to get “unstuck” (and I’m actually beginning to feel the benefits...who would have thought). I still have work to do, but just taking baby steps (sending an email, reaching out and connecting with people, putting the damn paint on a blank sheet of paper) rather than hold back out of fear that things won’t turn out a certain way is so liberating. Expectations are a mindfuck. I’ve always loved how Jen Pastiloff puts it. Rather than expect to be disappointed, “expect to be delighted”.
love it, and congrats on where you are NOW, Rachel!
Thank you so much for this Tara!!! I’m going to try this! I have such a difficult starting things because I expect perfection and I’m always doubting I’ll be good at it! This has been an amazing suggestion and I will be trying it! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thank you again!!!
Hooray! Please let me know how it goes! I'm rooting for you!
I really love this topic and am excited to find other people with a shared enthusiasm! As it relates to just getting started on something, can I tell you how long it took me to choose a "just right" journal for this month's journaling challeng? The answer is TOO long.
I also subscribe to Oliver Burkeman's newsletter, The Imperfectionist (highly recommend), and he wrote on a very similar topic this week. His main takeaway tip (I'm paraphrasing) was that you don't need another productivity system or routine or whatever it is. Just think of the one thing that you want to be doing that you're not doing and find a way to do just a little bit of that thing today. Doing so helps prove to yourself that doing it is possible and builds that muscle. After reading this, I finally got around to ironing some fabric that had been sitting around for weeks so that I can get started on a project I've been wanting to do but haven't gotten to for whatever reason.
Another strategy I've been experimenting with over the past year is not letting myself keep a running To Do list. I realized that I'd been using the list as a form of perfectionism or procrastination. Writing something on a To Do list reinforces the idea that I need to feel perfectly ready to do something first, and I will feel perfectly ready only at some ill-defined later time but not now. Instead, I'm trying to just address little tasks as they naturally come up and dealing with the discomfort of not feeling perfectly equiped.
Sorry for the long comment, I'm just really into this topic :)
LOVE this entire comment - all of it. Particularly focusing on ONE thing and making it happen. You don't need a whole system. Often, you just need to set aside time (and your ego) and get going1 Glad you're here, Marnie :)
Aww, thanks 🥰
Idk about jock straps, but I can tell you cups are a thing because when my son started playing hockey at the tender age of 6, he got his first one and promptly said, “Mom! PUNCH ME!! IT WON’T EVEN HURT!!” (Needless to say, I did not accept this invitation.)
And on a note that’s actually related to what you wrote - thank you for this! I’ve been having trouble getting started with some work lately because I’m worried about it being PERFECT. I’m going to try the visualization of throwing that shit out and see how it goes today!!
lol "I did not accept this invitation" hahah. Good luck and let me know how it goes!
Katie that’s awesome! What is it with little boys and their first cup? Its like a right of passage!
Yes!! He called his gear “armor” for years. If we were out in public after a game and he had it on still, he’d ask other random people to punch him. (In the chest or arm, though, thank god.)
😂 I used to babysit for a family with 3 boys. The older 2 played hockey and one day when I got there the younger one couldn’t wait to tell me he got his first one. Later, I walked in to the other’s room and he about died of embarrassment when he realized his was on the floor. I acted like it was nothing but as soon as I walked out couldn’t help but laugh at the difference with age. They were also my best friend’s brothers (she was away at school) so I had been around them constantly.
This is simple and brilliant and I’m going to print it out and hang it above my desk. 🌻
Do it! And send me a picture pretty please!
I love this approach! It feels so much more intuitive & magical than what I do.
What works for me (and perhaps I should preface this by saying I'm an educator, so projects and deadlines are a big part of my life, I've literally been in school-- as a student or faculty member-- since I was 4 years old. I started college in 1993, finished my Ph.D in 2003, and have been teaching there ever since) is:
1. Tidying up my space (both my desk + whatever is on my computer screen)
2. Making a check list of the steps needed to complete the project/accomplish the task-- or if it’s a writing project, make an outline of the key points I want to be sure to cover
3. Giving myself permission to write the introduction/opening *last.* Instead of getting stuck on trying to find a great opening line and over-thinking the best way to connect with the audience, I give myself permission to jump right in to one of the key points, until I have all of the key points done. Next I write the conclusion/closing. And very last I go back & write the beginning. I find it much easier that way, as by the time I’ve written everything else, the opening often comes quite easily — instead of feeling like an insurmountable obstacle. I often do this with emails too.
In case it helps for me to mention, as I imagine I’m not alone in this (as someone who is, as Brené Brown would say, an over-functioner, who “cares too much,” and aimed for perfection when I was younger), I often ask myself 3 questions (especially when feeling stuck on a project or overwhelmed by the amount of work required to finish a project):
1. What if this was easy? How can I make this easy?
2. Can I be okay with this? What can I do to be okay with this?
3. Can this be good enough?
I hope this might be of help to others, again, it’s nowhere near as creative as your approach, Tara.
And thank you for creating this community on Substack. I was part of your Glow Getters book launch last Spring and really loved the Zoom calls. I couldn’t keep up with MightyNetworks; Substack feels much more seamless. Thank you for all you do and the way you shine your light in the world! ☺️
The Artist’s Way is a treasure. I’m on week 4 and I read a chapter every Sunday. It’s like my own little church right now. (AND! It’s helping me actually get my writing done and posted!)