Imposter Syndrome, Begone!

Here's how I beat feeling like a fraud

Hello my dear friends!

I spent last week in the Big Apple and it was so dang busy that the ONLY photo I have to show for my time is one of me modeling a new dress I bought out of the DESPERATION to feel confident. Why did I need an ego boost? Because the whole reason I was in NYC was to attend a dinner party of very, very, very, successful authors. I had been invited and thought there was some error when I found out it was less than 20 people total. I was so scared to go that I thought AT LEAST if I knew I was in a HOT dress, I might be able to muster some confidence! Or at least mask my fears in silver buttons!  

The people in the room had sold collectively…I’m not kidding…maybe 50 million books? Maybe more? Basically all were NYT Best-Sellers, but WAY more than that, they had shaped a staggering amount of our culture, and if I told you their names, you might say, “I have all of their books.” Reader, do you know how that made me feel? Honored, lucky, grateful, INCREDIBLY f*cking intimidated and scared. 

Thoughts, like, “No one wants to talk to you,” and it’s fun cousin, “You're not successful enough to be here” clanged in my mind like the wretched radiators of the east coast. I KNEW this was imposter syndrome, because it was a specific delusion that I was a fraud who had successfully deceived the hostess into inviting me (even though I had no say in whether or not I was invited), and that AT ANY MOMENT I would get found out or reveal myself to be an idiot.  

But, instead of getting mad at myself for feeling imposter syndrome, I WELCOMED IT. Because every single time you get lost on a useless and damaging thought train, it gives you the OPPORTUNITY to practice getting off at the next stop. And since we have 70,000 thoughts a day, 80% of which are negative… We have a LOT of opportunities to practice. 

When I feel imposter syndrome lurking, I now ask myself 3 simple questions to figure out if I am really experiencing imposter syndrome or something else:

1. Is this imposter syndrome? Or does this place suck?

   Not everything is in your head! If you work in a toxic environment where you are undermined, THAT’S REAL! If you go to a party where people snub you and go out of their way to make you feel bad - which happens - that’s real too! IF you’re in a place that sucks, no need to blame yourself. In my case - I was welcomed with open arms, I knew it was imposter syndrome I was feeling

2. Is this imposter syndrome? Or humility?

   A legitimate acknowledgement that you don’t know as much as the people around you is a sign of humility and not a problem. In fact, it’s kind of exciting! The problem is when you start to go down a road of negative self-chatter where your lack of knowledge makes you less than, or if you start to compare yourself poorly. In my case, I actually know a lot about publishing…and some might even say…am successful. So this was not useful humility, this was malignant imposter syndrome.

3. What negative belief am I holding about myself?

   What you resist persists. Instead of trying to suppress the negative self-chatter popping up, I challenge myself, IN THE MOMENT, to see the world more clearly.

While it’s not EASY to train yourself in how to overcome imposter syndrome, it is SIMPLE, and in my paid journaling community I am going to give you the worksheet I use to get over imposter syndrome so you can memorize the technique for yourself. I have the worksheet tattooed in the inside of my brain so that I can use it in real time! Like I did at the dinner party!

I want to hear from you:

How do you handle imposter syndrome? When was the last time it came up for you? How does imposter syndrome harm you? I reply to every comment, so hit the button below and join me in this conversation!

T$ Stamp of Approval:

An article and substack I love: I am a new fan of author David Epstein, who wrote the book Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World, and LOVE this article on why hobbies are actually advantageous for us. I can be OBSESSIVE about work (it’s kind of all I do) so I needed this wake-up call that hobbies would do me good! Thank you, David!