i have a lot in common with Hailey Bieber
...is vengeance a good fuel for success?
Ciao Bellas and Bellos!
Grazie for all of your comments and shared thoughts on last week’s post about my romantic AF trip to Italy!
I LOVED hearing your takes on what it means to travel with a romantic partner vs solo and from all your comments where we netted out is that solo travel helps us get to know ourselves better while romantic travel helps us enjoy. Both are important! I thought how reader Brittany H had to say:
“I have preferred my solo travels because you learn so much about yourself, your strength, and your resilience.” Which inspires me to take a solo trip myself…
It was also SO GOOD to see so many of you in our “family meeting.”
I’m going to be doing a lot more community events but I LOVED journaling with you, getting to know you a little better, and seeing how much none of are alone in what we are experiencing.
On with this week’s topic!
I have a lot in common with Hailey Bieber. OBVIOUSLY.
By now, you might have heard how Justin Bieber chose to congratulate his super model, beloved wife on her first ever Vogue cover. He did so, in an Instagram post about the cover where he wrote, "Yo this reminds me when Hailey and I got into a huge fight… I told hails that she would never be on the cover of vogue, Yikes I know, so mean." See below:
FIRST - I know we all have bad days. Who am I to throw shade at the Biebs (does anyone call him that?). And I do NOT know Justin nor Hailey nor their relationship. I am but a mere spectator. But when I first heard about this I had a GUT reaction akin to déjà vu akin to a deep sense of knowing if you will… It brought to mind all of the times I have been doubted and knocked down a peg by someone who was “supposed” to have my back. It brought me back to one memory of doom in particular…
If you’ve read Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies then you might remember my ex-boyfriend, Danny who was one of the most selfish people I have ever met not a very considerate person.
Danny truly did not see me, nor know me, partially because he was too busy being in a codependent relationship with his Yorkie Poo, Einstein. How much did he pay attention to his dog over me? Well, let me show you: we’d be at a bar, on a date, and he would stop mid-sentence to watch a grainy closed-circuit live feed of his pooch on an app. We’d sit there, watching Einstein, sitting exactly where we left her on the couch, watching the front door. He would then whisper “Do you see how much she misses me?! She just sits there, staring at the door! I could watch her waiting for me all day.”
I felt less important than his dog because I was less important to him than his dog (he once sent apology flowers over this). And yet I continued to date him until we reached Hailey Bieber territory.
One night I told him my “fragile life’s dream” that I was “very insecure about and had trouble even saying aloud,” was to get into The New Yorker. He told me, without a MOMENT’s delay, “You’ll never get anything in The New Yorker.” He didn’t say it with malice, he said it matter of factly. I was floored - wait, what did this dude just say? He continued, “You know, when people talk about writing, I always think they are saying I can’t write.” Were we talking about DANNY? NO. Did I ever tell him he couldn’t write? Hell no, that would be very not me. But he heard MY dream took it as some weird insult to him and decided to let me know what I couldn’t do. At first it felt like a gut punch but as I processed what he said, I came to understand that people who tell you what's impossible are just announcing their own limits. Your possibilities are yours to define.
His doubt prompted me to break up with him and then alchemize his doubt into victory. It remains one of my great life wins that six months later I GOT INTO THE F*CKING NEW YORKER (TWICE!). I honest to God felt like I was dancing his grave in a field of fire.
I’m not usually a vengeful person. I’m not usually motivated by comparison thinking (“they have more than me so I’ll show them!”) or because of a perceived wrong (“this will show him!”), but sometimes vengeance does spur us onto much greater heights.
And now back to Hailey…
One of my favorite things about pop culture is it allows us to see these very relatable, universal experiences pushed to absurd levels which reveals greater truths. Not all of us have a boyfriend who is telling us we can’t get on the cover of Vogue. But I’m SURE so many of us read about this Hailey Bieber story and just thought “🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ this has happened to me too.” We ALL have bosses who tell us we can’t get the dream job. We ALL of have siblings, parents, and cousins who tell us what they think our limitations are. But here’s the thing, you have no obligation to listen because:
When a person tells you what’s not possible for *you*, they are projecting their own limiting beliefs about what’s not possible for *them*.
They are telling you about their insecurities, their worries, and very often about their fears that you will succeed and somehow leave them in the dust or that your success will diminish them in some way. THAT’S ALL.
I wonder how Hailey alchemized this neg…I bet you we’ll see her on a lot more covers of Vogue. I sure hope so!
I want to hear from you!
Have you had an experience where the person who was “supposed” to see your potential instead limited your possibilities? How did you handle it? Does it haunt you? Did you turn it into a victory? Are you still getting over it?
Or tell me about it in “the chat” - I’m trying to figure out ways to be in touch with YOU more - so I’m going to attempt to ask this question in the chat! Meet me there!
Preview of This Week’s Glow Getters:
In my paid community where we look at tools for our self-healing, I created a "Turning Poison into Power" Worksheet based on the Allegory of the Biebs that I think is pretty freaking awesome. Curious? Then why don’t you…
This type of pop culture content is great! Love how you translated it to our very human experiences.
I really needed this ! So glad Substack suggest your in my feed 🫶🏻🩷 I have friends and family members and sometimes parents trying to limit me trying to put me into a box I recently had to take 2 very big decisions in my life and they would always say how the decision are so wrong and impact in my life in the wrong way , whenever I am in doubt I start making pros and cons list , I am open to all different opinions but that's it , it took quite a hard time to learn to choose own instinct but now I listen to the stuff and think and compare what they are saying are those are relevant to me ? Coz everyone have different priorities and then I imply after thinking through, also try to maintain distance from such people as much as possible and not always possible to ignore everyone but TRUST YOUR INSTINCT nobody knows you better than yourself chances are you will rise and shine and even if you fail you will learn the greater lesson which will be so fricking helpful for you