Five secrets for solo travel
From your resident solo travel expert
Ola, my friends!
I’m getting back into the swing of things after my extended trip in Portugal and am thrilled to be here with you. Every time I get a comment or note from you I remember, “oh right, I’M in a community, I’m never alone.” So! If it feels good for you to be getting these newsletters please know it feels equally good to be writing them.
For those of you who are new here or have just forgotten: I read and respond to every comment you post. So! If you have a question, want to add a learning, want to vent, etc, please do comment.*
On with the newsletter!
*It might take me a minute to reply but I’ll get to you! And if I miss it somehow - not about you! Just ping me again :)
Five secrets for solo travel
I am a solo traveller. Not always by choice, if I’m honest. Rather, for some reason, when I want to go on a trip I always seem to be single or there’s no one in my friend group who can make it. But those things have never stopped me from exploring the world.
Over the past ten years, I’ve been to Paris (3x), Kyoto, Rome, Florence, Cinque Terre, Portugal, The Azores, Santa Fe, Ojai, Israel, Jordan, the Big Five national parks of Utah, Joshua Tree, and on and on - truly all over the world and the US - all by my lonesome. I’ve camped, glamped, stayed in AirBNBs and palaces. When it comes to solo travel - I’ve seen a lot.
I often get asked about “how” to solo travel so I wanted to share with you five things that I’ve learned on the road.
1. You’re allowed to solo travel. It’s not weird. It’s pretty friggin’ cool.
It’s not weird if you don’t have someone to go on a trip with. In fact, it doesn’t even matter. Who said vacations and trips needed multiple people in order to be worthy? If you’re hung up on if you “should” or “shouldn’t” travel alone - let me ask you this: do you want to go explore something on your own? Is there a place you’re yearning to see but haven’t yet because you’re afraid of going it solo? If you’ve answered “yes” to either of these questions, you have permission to go on a trip alone because you are a grown ass adult who deserves to enjoy and expand their life.
What you’re NOT allowed to do is pine away, curious about expanding your horizons, but tripped up in your mind about if that’s weird or not. That’s so boring and so not you! PLEASE do not waste your life waiting for someone else to help you live. If you’re afraid to be alone while traveling, even more reason to go for it! That’s how we build bravery. We do something we know is important even if we are scared. So you’ll get to travel + work your bravery muscles. Win-win.
2. Eating dinner alone is fun.
I’ve eaten alone so many times that this one carries NO stigma for me but I remember when I questioned, “is it pathetic that I’m eating alone at a restaurant? Are people looking down at me?” With practice, I’ve realized it’s actually a pretty beautiful and enjoyable practice because you experience being out in public so differently and so openly. Usually, when we dine out in a group, we are in embroiled in our own conversations and bonding time. While this is AWESOME, and often THE POINT of going to a restaurant with others, dining solo also offers you a chance to see the world differently.
All of the sudden you notice the strangers around you, their clothes, where they are on their journey, and their conversations. Speaking of which, one of my biggest life lessons came from eaves dropping on a family about to going canyoneering. I write in Glow in the F*cking Dark that the father explained the concept of safety to his children and WHAM! It hit me! I lacked a feeling of safety in my life and desperately needed it. Had I not been listening (which maybe is rude but I really don’t care!), who knows how long it would have taken me to learn that lesson?!
Add to that, without distraction, you really taste your food.
Think of it this way: Eating alone is not bad, it’s just a completely different experience which enriches your whole life. No need to compare yourself to the diners around you, you’re having your own experience, boo.
That said, I have a few rules for myself when picking a place:
Ideally, the restaurant has a bar situation overlooking the kitchen because then I can literally see how the sausage is made. Also, if I’m feeling awkward about being alone, I’d much rather be at the bar than at an empty table.
I always bring a journal or book to dinner with me and read or write. Funny enough- this often invites conversation. I’ve met SO many interesting strangers after they ask, “what are you reading?” Or “what are you writing?”
I don’t look at my phone!!! This is a chance to open up to the world! Nothing says, “closed for business,” like sitting alone staring down at your phone.
If you get bored eating alone, BUT, you bring a journal? You can write down the scene to better remember it.
3. You will get lonely on your trip at least one time. Great!
There will come a moment when your train will be cancelled, your luggage will be lost, or you simply can’t make a choice of which island to see in the Azores (like we all do) and a feeling of helplessness will over take you. You’ll get lonely, uncomfortable, and tears might come to your eyes. In fact, you might have a full-blown mental breakdown while taking a tour of the Teatro Colon in Buenos Aires and only add to your troubles by getting mad at yourself for feeling lonely instead of taking in the hand-painted ceiling. Been there, done that. You will get frustrated and possibly very sad. And that’s okay, sweetheart. It’s actually good practice in remembering the truth of your life.
When I find myself having these moments, I remember, “WAIT! I’m never alone! I have a whole community back home.” I’ll call my dad, a friend, my sister and share details of the trip. I’ll FaceTime with someone who has been trying to pin me down. I’ll go to a library, coffee shop, or bar carved into the hilltop of Cinque Terre, Italy, where I will meet an Air Traffic Controller based in Atlanta who will teach me once and for all why I shouldn’t be afraid of turbulence.
Feeling lonely and remembering the truth of your connections is an incredible, rare, opportunity to see in FULL COLOR how not alone you are, even when (possibly) thousands of miles from home.
4. Take that extra outfit our of your suitcase, please and thank you.
Controversial statement: I don’t think anyone needs to check luggage, basically ever. The exceptions being if you need gear (skiing, guitar, etc), or you are a parent, in which case - God help you on so many levels.
You’re taking a month long trip to Israel? Cool. You can get it all in one carry-on. In fact, I bet you don’t wear at least 3 outfits you so carefully chose. This is important because it actually DOES SUCK to be alone with no one to help you lug your bag through a subway, or hoist it on the metal organizer on the train, or put it in the overhead bin on a flight to Luxembourg. Trust me, you do not want to be the only traveller on a flight from Geneva to Luxembourg where the flight attendants laugh at the American and her giant bag. You do not want to blush when the only possible way to bring your bag is for the flight attendant to strap it into its own seat.
Make your life easier and repeat outfits YOU LOVE. No middling clothing allowed. Bring your high-worth best, repeat your best looks, and travel with more ease.
5. Take the tour, buy the weird souvenir, pay an extra $11.00 for the “fast lane,” buy yourself the f*cking travel treat.
Let me paint a picture: You’ve made it through the hellacious, six hour bus ride. You’ve been bomb checked, questioned, and have finally made it through the seemingly endless security check points. FINALLY you find yourself in the ancient city of Petra in the Jordanian desert. Hallelujah, Amen!
After all that struggle, is NOW the moment to question whether or not it’s worth $50.00 to take the guided tour? Is THIS the right moment to equivocate on whether or not you can afford the nine dollar pomegranate juice? Or how about: you are in the Wadi Rum desert in Jordan, the place where real-life Lawrence of Arabia galloped through the dunes. Is NOW the time to question if a camel tour of this desert you will never return to worth taking? Obviously: F*CK NO!!! JUST TAKE THE TOUR, BUY THE JUICE, AND GET ON THE FRIGGIN’ CAMEL!
If you’re in REAL financial dire straights then, of course, be careful. But…you’re on a vacation…so I don’t think that’s the case. The main thing is to soak up as much experience as possible AND make traveling easy for yourself. Don’t let your scarcity mindset or a cynical world view get in the way.
Other places you should 100% spend money: The “fast lane” for any Ryan Air flight, a hotel that has concierge so someone will know/care if you go missing, water (always - no matter the price), bigger than normal tips for excellent service, on an extra Uber to get the pastry you hear is legendary on the other side of town but which you really don’t want to walk to. ALSO! I always hire a photographer through AirBNB experiences so I don’t have to exclusively rely on selfies!
Are you contemplating a trip? Need encouragement? Do you have any other solo-travel questions? I’m here for it all! Just ask!
Testify
Your questions, comments, triumphs, heartaches, adventures, and insights. All of it is welcome here. I love featuring your art, journals, and pictures of triumph! Please send ‘em along! (Submissions lightly edited for brevity.)
A reader who reminded me that WE choose when the right time to “do the work is…”
“Hey!!! I found you through your AMAZING books! I read Buy Yourself The F*cking Lillie’s a few years ago and remember not being ready to do the work you wrote about. ESPECIALLY about weed addiction! I then purchased and read Glow in the F*cking Dark when it came out (obvi) and loved it but still didn’t feel like it was the right time to be reading it.
Now, I am moving to Prague, Czech Republic (also i’m 26 so this is f*cking huge) and decided to reread both books! Currently only 80 pages into your first book and everything is resonating.
Weed was poison for my mental health!!! My next step is working on the journaling, gratitude, and consistent exercise. I had been trying to do everything at once but i’m sure you’re right that you need to add in these new rituals / habits one at a time. So it all sticks! Just found your instagram and can’t wait to see what else you share with the world! Pease start your own podcast okay. I love you, T$
-Arielle
Tara - I loved every word of this newsletter! So many friends have every excuse in the book why they can’t travel when I try to organize a trip (some legit, others not so much). It was so frustrating to me (and, frankly, a bit hurtful) until I said, screw it. I’ll just go! There’s nothing more liberating than traveling alone. No compromises to be made and you can set your own schedule, meals, sleeps, etc. Now, having said all that, I am thinking a women-only Lillies trip would be a super fun adventure! I have experience in travel planning so let me know if that’s something in the cards. I’d gladly help you organize. Think of all the fun we’d have! 🌸🌍🌸
1. Tara, you look AMAZING in that first picture in Portugal. GLOWING like the Glow Getter you are.
2. I LOVE solo travel. I have been blessed to do so much of it and while I love traveling with friends or a significant other, traveling alone will always be important to me. I always highlight for people who are worried some of my favorite benefits: I get to choose every. single. thing. I do. I get to eat at the restaurant of my choice. I get to go on the excursion I want to go on. I wake up and go to sleep when I want to. If I like a place I'm in, I stay longer. If it's not what I thought, I leave and find something else.
And I often do something I wouldn't normally do with someone else... befriend a stranger, try a new type of activity, stay in a hostel and eat dinner with someone from another country. I love it. AND Tara, I'm usually willing (and almost always able) to go on the drop of dime, SO if you want to go somewhere AND want a buddy, hit me up and maybe we can travel together (not creepy at all... I've also traveled with near-strangers many times and it's *almost* always worked out splendidly. I actually am pretty convinced we have enough in common that we'd have a blast).
Thanks for shining your light into the world for us!