2 Questions for Instant Self-Compassion

Spoiler: Neither one is “What’s wrong with me?”

Hi friends!

How the heck are you doing?

Members of my journaling-club-inner-sanctum have been receiving weekly updates on some of the more personal things going on in my life (like moving to Northern California to be closer to The Boyfriend) so they know how I’m doing and…well… this move has been ROUGH. I kinda rushed the move and then the move itself was…an unmitigated disaster. Lol. ALL I CAN DO IS LAUGH AT THIS POINT!

Basically, the movers were so out of the ordinary slow that it took them eight hours to pack up my two bedroom apartment and THEN, by the time we got to the storage facility…it was closing. So, dearest reader, the movers left all of my stuff in the hallway of the storage facility overnight. BAHAHAHAHA.

I mean. REAL lol, right? What else can you do?

The look of a woman who has no f*cks left to give.

This would have been cause for a full meltdown in previous years but this time… I actually took it in stride because with this move I had tried to be GENTLE with myself instead of constantly PUSHING and so I had more emotional resources to keep me steady. For example, when I had a horrible migraine and just felt like shi* a few days before the official move, I stopped, cancelled a few meetings, and got a massage. I was so scared to take one hour off and horrified to move meetings, but that one hour might have saved my sanity.

So today, I want to talk about gentling our way through life as opposed to muscling (which comes WAY easier to me). My peeps in the journaling club are going to work with me this weekend on choosing ways to BE gentle, not just think about it. If that sounds interesting, I hope you’ll join me there:

This question of whether or not to be gentle comes up in almost every workshop I run. Someone inevitably asks:

“Don’t you have to be a little mean to yourself to get ahead?”
“If I don’t discipline myself, how will I grow?”

I get why they ask—it’s the lie we’ve been sold: that we’re broken, not enough, and only criticism, punishment, and relentless discipline will make us worthy.

But here’s the truth: research shows that self-compassionate people—those who don’t beat themselves into achievement—are actually more successful and healthier than their self-critical counterparts. Being cruel to yourself isn’t sustainable, and it doesn’t feel good.

So now, when life gets hard (break-ups, moves, the end of Vanderpump Rules), I ask myself these two questions:

“How can I be gentle with my feelings?”
“How would an ideal parent treat me right now?”

Whatever the answers are—that’s how I try to act.

When in doubt: treat yourself like someone worth protecting.

Current location where I am trying very hard to rest and take care of myself. And write to you.

What do you think about gentling our way through life?

Does it come easily to you? Do you have to fight yourself in order to earn care? Are you still stuck in strive drive? I read and reply to every comment and am genuinely so thrilled to chat with you.

If this was interesting to you…

Join me in my tree-house/journaling club where we’ll be reflecting on what it takes to be gentle.