Oh, hello, my friend!
Ever left a date and immediately started replaying every single thing you said, analyzing and second-guessing like you're a contestant on a game show where the prize is ultimate embarrassment? Yaaah, me too.
Last week, I went on a date, and as soon as I got home, I found myself wondering if I should've laughed less at my own jokes (I mean, I KNOW they were funny), or if I should've told the truth that I’m in the midst of a storm of family drama and feeling drained. DID I TELL HIM TOO MUCH TOO SOON!? GAH!
Then it hit me—like a rom-com epiphany but without the Nancy Meyers soundtrack (dang!)—you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. That's right! If they’re the right fit, they’ll love your weirdness, your quirk that you laugh at your own jokes, and they will have compassion and not judge you for going through a difficult time.
How did I come by this wisdom? Welp! It wasn’t from my own brain! I learned it through Lily Womble, a new friend and author of a brand new book on dating that I’m obsessed with.
I met Lily when she DM’d me, asking if I would blurb her new book (write a tiny review), Thank You, More Please. TBH, I don’t LOVE blurbing books and was inclined to say, “thank you, less,” but I was intrigued by Lily’s feminist take on dating and ended up reading the book cover to cover. Twice. What I found was insanely USEFUL, mind opening, and insightful dating advice. Through her words, Lily taught me that I need to stop worrying about if I’m “too much” for other people. Instead of fretting, now I say to myself, “If I’m too much for them, they’re not enough for me.” Doesn’t that just make so much sense!? I don’t want to be with someone who I feel like I need to shrink around - IN ALL RELATIONSHIPS! Whether or not you are dating, I think her advice is useful so read on for more from Lily! And if you are dating - I give her book a 100%, T$ Stamp of Approval.
Q: Lily, how do you describe what you do?
A: I'm a former top matchmaker turned feminist dating coach. I help badasses create dating lives that feel like an act of self-care AND that ease-fully attract extraordinary love.
Q: What's a little thing that helps people who want to date? What’s one tip you would give them?
A: Give yourself permission. Permission to want everything you want, without labeling yourself "too picky." Permission to ask for what you want out loud, without the fear that you're going to say the wrong thing to the right person— you literally can't. And permission to take messy, courageous action without perfectionism. We are all awkward, weird, sparkly human beings. And the right person is looking for you, too. All you have to do is know what you want, ask for it out loud and often, and bless and release the wrong people swiftly. These steps will settle-proof your dating life and make the right relationship inevitable.
All you have to do is know what you want, ask for it out loud and often, and bless and release the wrong people swiftly.
Q: In addition to being an author you’re also a human. Not sure if you know that…so, just as a human on planet earth, what's a little thing that helps you?
A: Self-compassion. As a high achieving, ambitious human being. This was NOT something that I was taught how to do. But this one step changed my entire life and business. Self-compassion is a tool that has been proven to reduce stress and increase resiliency— two things that have directly led to building the life I love right now.
Instead of being a hangry critic of myself, self-compassion looks like— 1. The kindest, "Of course you're struggling." I give myself the benefit of my context and turn towards it with understanding, like my best friend would. 2. Noticing the thoughts in my head are NOT facts. They're survival stories, trying to keep me safe. And when I have a thought pop up that doesn't serve me, I put my hand on my heart and say, "Woof, that's a hard thought." It helps every time. And 3. Get myself in community asap. That means texting a friend, imagining being with a friend, or getting myself coached. This self-compassion practice has changed everything in my life, relationships and business.
Q: Who is your book for?
A: My book is for feminist humans who are ready for a joyful-as-fuck dating life that makes the right relationship inevitable. Whether you consider yourself a "late bloomer" (like I did), or if you've settled in the wrong relationships again and again (also like I did), this book will give you the mindset and tactical strategy to attract more than you thought possible with ease and self-trust.
Q: How do you want readers to feel when they read your book?
A: I want them to feel completely seen, supported, and celebrated, exactly as they are right now. I want them to feel like what they desire in their love lives is possible (because it is) AND that they are completely whole right now (which they are). I want them to know that there's not a single thing to change about themselves to find love. That the answer to getting what they want knowing what they want, asking for it out loud and often, and taking courageous, messy action forward.
T$ Signing Off…
What do you think about Lily’s advice? How’s your dating life going? I’d love to hear about it in the comments. I read every comment and reply to every one I catch 😝!
I also bought Lily’s book! Excited to read it. Her energy is super infectious and great! Would read anything you rec, Tara!
But lately, I’ve been wondering why there are so many dating coaches / subscriptions that are geared toward women. Is it because we are so willing to put in the time, money, energy to go after some thing that they really want?
I don’t see men putting in the same level of work…and while I don’t want to generalize / be negative - it does feel like something strange societally is happening right now in the dating space. I guess there’s proof in this article, which I’m sure all your single friends were chatting about in the group text:
https://www.thecut.com/article/tiktok-videos-single-women-crying.html
I was already gonna buy the book based your email’s subject.🤣 THAT’S how much I trust your advice!
Love it when you send recs… Maybe we could all swap recs sometime — recs for relevant products (like your little sound machine that I immediately bought in purple), recs for letting go, recs for practicing gratitude, etc. Obvi YOUR recs are what we’re here for, but I get the sense that the community you’ve created is bursting with a lot of cool people… ❤️🙏