You Are the Diamond Necklace

What to do when someone treats you like trash…

But first, I have a job opening for you!

I am looking for a social media ace to translate my message of self-care across all of the platforms!  Ideally you’re wildly creative, LOVE making content for social media, and are one of my peeps - someone who was moved by Lilies, Glow, this newsletter, or any of my work so that we are already on the same page. Plus, I’d love to hire from within our community. Bonus points if you are well versed in Substack as well! 

More details on the role can be found here. If the role isn’t for you - please forward to someone you think it might be a perfect fit for! 

this could be us!

And now, onto le newsletter. 

Hi friends,

Last week, a friend called me in a panic. Her mom - who has a long history of treating her poorly - was laying a guilt trip thick enough to ski on. The mom was trying to force my friend to attend a family event where she knew she’d feel uncomfortable, anxious, and unwelcome.

As my sweet friend cried on the phone wondering if she should go and put herself in emotional harm’s way, she both grieved the relationship she would never have with her mother and questioned her own sanity. What was wrong with her that her mother was treating her so poorly? What had she done to deserve this treatment? She wondered.

I had to ask my friend a sacred question:

If you gave someone a diamond necklace and they tossed it in the trash, would the necklace lose its value?

Never.

You are the diamond necklace. Someone else's failure to value you doesn't change your worth.

If someone else fails to treasure you , it doesn't make you less precious. Instead, as my therapist says, “It makes them a f*cking idiot.” (Lol, I have THE BEST therapist).  I first shared this theory after being ghosted by a guy I had danced around my living room with (literally). But it applies to so much more than dating:

• Bosses who don’t see your contributions.

• Siblings who belittle you.

• Parents who make you feel like a burden instead of a blessing.

• Friends who don’t seem to consider you. 

It’s so easy to take mistreatment personally - especially when it comes from people who are supposed to care about us. We think, “If my mom acts like this, maybe I am being dramatic.” Or “If my boss dismissed me, maybe I am not cut out for this.”

But how people treat you usually has way more to do with them than with you.Their mood, their history, their unhealed wounds, their operating system. As I wrote in Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies…

“You can’t govern how people treat you or the things they say, but you can absolutely decide what you will do with the gospel that nothing is personal and people are limited.”

So the next time someone ghosts you, yells at you, guilt-trips you, or makes you feel like you're "too much"?

Remember: YOU are the diamond necklace. Your brilliance doesn't depend on their recognition.

Want to go deeper?

In this week’s Glow Getters (my paid journaling club), we’re taking the Diamond Necklace Theory and APPLYING IT TO YOU. Come re-write an old story where someone treated you like garbage - and remember your worth in the process.

I want to hear from YOU!

Have you ever blamed yourself for how someone else treated you?Felt discarded, ignored, or undervalued - and then questioned your worth? 

If this newsletter hit a nerve (in a good way), come join the chat. We’re building a space where we can talk honestly about the weird, hard, funny parts of being a person - especially when you’re trying to grow without burning out.

Last week, we had a GREAT tip in response to The Hidden Cost of Having It All Together. 

The Bright Spot

Podcasts, articles, and products that are bringing a little glow into my life this week.

I went to Cinespia and watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off in a cemetery.

Yes. A literal cemetery. Yes. It was creepy. Yes. It was incredible.

And here's the wildest part: I used to hate this movie as a kid! But rewatching it now? It might be one of my favorites of all time.

PURE charisma.

• Matthew Broderick at 24 = pure charisma. Like, I 1000% would’ve tried (and failed) to date him.

• The writing and cinematography = chef’s kiss. A masterclass in how joyful and smart film can be.

• That parade scene?! A full-blown dance number celebrating America’s chaos and magic - diversity, connection, absurdity. It made me feel oddly…hopeful? Proud? (Which is in short supply lately.) I EMPHATICALLY think you should watch the whole clip here and tell me what you think about it! 

Have a Bright Spot this week? Let me know! I want to hear what's making your life feel even 2% more joyful.