The Most Important Thing I’ve Learned This Year

No one decides your value except for you.

Hey friend! It’s me, T$, reporting live from these dating trenches. 

I have dated all of the men. Well…maybe not all of them, but enough that I am not easily shocked by dating. Just when I think I’ve seen it all, tho, the universe slides a fresh piece of absurdity across the table.

Enter Andy. A cute, funny, cinephile who seemed sweet. On our first date, we got so lost in conversation that we missed the comedy show we were supposed to see and ended up listening to music in his car - high school style. Because of travel, we couldn’t see each other for a couple of weeks, but he kept in touch - texting that he had a crush on me, FaceTiming me, making follow-up plans to see me when I got back.

That next date? A marathon! A museum, a social club, dinner! I’m talking 3 p.m. to midnight! Culminating with a quiet (don’t wanna to wake the neighbors!) dance party in my living room. Because Andy had been so consistent, and because he called me the next morning to express his interest,I thought, I can trust this guy to at least be respectful. I sent him a playlist of the music we had danced to (mostly because it was so fire I wanted to keep it handy). Then I waited. And waited. And waited.

I never heard from him again.

To be clear: I had no idea how I felt about Andy. I didn’t know him well, and I had zero expectations. IN FACT, I’m doing this new thing where I keep the words I wonder how this will unfold in my mind, so dating feels more like a fun experiment and less like a drag.  But to not hear from someone at all? After all that?!  It’s jarring. And disrespectful.

At first, I did what I always do - I questioned myself. Did I say something weird? Was I too much? But then I remembered something my therapist said:

“If you gave someone a beautiful diamond necklace and they threw it in the trash, does the necklace lose its value?”

No.

No, it does not.

Andy’s disappearance didn’t make me less interesting, beautiful, or worthy. He just wasn’t someone who could recognize or appreciate what was in front of him. And that has nothing to do with me. 

I don't know if you can relate to my exact experience, but how many times have you felt discarded, ignored, or undervalued and blamed yourself? How many times has a lover, boss, or family member discounted your worth and you’ve decided you’re the problem? Instead, can we remember we are the diamond necklace? That we are the Porsche that needs high grade gasoline and not to be run off the road?

You are the diamond necklace. You have always been the diamond necklace. If someone threw you away, would that say anything about you? 

In my Glow Getters, I am going to do a special video journaling exploration. So if you’d like to decide your worth for yourself, join me there.

What do you think?

I read and respond to EVERY comment and I’m dying to hear from you. What do you think about the diamond necklace metaphor? Agree, disagree, want to add a point? I want to hear from YOU!

T$ Stamp of Approval:

• About a year ago I hosted an IG live with Anne-Laure Le Cunff, a FANTASTIC neurologist who explained how we can be more curious about life and how that helps us grow. AND NOW (drum roll please)… she published her own book, Tiny Experiments! She pulls together science and story-telling to create a practical, fascinating way we can all cultivate an experimental mindset. I’m declaring it a must read, and you can order a copy HERE.

• A follow to uplift your IG feed: Jessica Gill

  I had this last week but FORGOT TO LINK TO HER! UGH! 🤦🏻‍♀️

  Since being on To Be Magnetic, I’ve become friends with Jessica and I HIGHLY recommend a follow to her insta. She’s funny, delightful, gives practical tips on manifesting, and I can vouch - is just a good person you will want to uplift your feed. I know she uplifts mine!

Glow Getter of The Week: 

Every week I feature one member of “The Glow Getters” my paid, “inner-circle” community. Think of it as my tree house! Readers get journal prompts, supportability groups, and much more! 

Let’s meet our Glow Getter, Juliana. 

How did you find A Little Thing That Helps?

I heard about Buy Yourself the F*cking Lillies in a book club and it really changed my life, there’s so many lessons. I’ve been following you on Instagram and that’s how I first discovered your Substack.

What is your favorite part about being a Glow Getter?

All the amazing prompts, tools and ideas to write, reflect, reach goals and more. I also love to have such a close access to your mind and your way of thinking.