Thank-You Notes to the Boys I Believe Wronged Me

PLUS a matchmaker dated for me online

MY DEAREST, DARLING, reader…I have a question for you…

Would you be my valentine? 

SERIOUSLY. You should know you are so dear to my heart and I feel lucky, grateful, and so many feels that you choose to spend your time with little old me. 

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would turn my attention to something I rarely write about here…romance.

While it's true that I’ve been in my share of bad relationships, not a single one of them was a waste of time. Okay, maybe one of them was a waste of time. I’m looking at you, engineer-obsessed-with-The West Wing-who-told-me-you-had-“trouble considering other people’s needs.” It should not have surprised me that you were terrible in bed. MOSTLY though, I’ve found that each relationship has taught me something about myself—about how I relate to others and about what I absolutely MUST, at all costs, avoid in the future. And so, it is with a debt of gratitude that I want to acknowledge the men who made ALL THIS GROWTH possible. 

Thank-You Notes to the Boys I Believe Wronged Me

Thank you, Keats, for teaching me that the guy who lurks outside your dorm room, the guy your friends all describe as “creepy” and “possessive,” is not someone you want to date for two years and then live with in his parents’ apartment. Thank you for showing me that my friends are wise and always looking out for me and that I should listen to them more. 

A debt of gratitude is owed to you, Danny, for telling me I could never get anything published in The New Yorker even though it was my life’s fragile dream and I explicitly asked you to be gentle with that dream. You taught me that when someone tells you what’s not possible for you, they are projecting their own limiting beliefs about themselves. Thank you also for the happiest moment I can remember, when I got something published in the “Daily Shouts” section six months later and felt like I was dancing on your grave in a field of fire. Honest to goodness, thank you for that exhilarating moment of pure victory.

Thank you, Ben Fast, for having a GREAT first date full of laughter. Thank you for kissing me—and then disappearing forever. Are you dead, Ben Fast? Also: great name.

Big thanks to Robbie for sweeping me off my feet with a series of grand dates. An Ethiopian feast where we ate with our hands! A day exploring Venice Beach! A BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN CONCERT! I knew nothing about Bruce Springsteen but that felt impressive! Thank you for a romantic month of adventures. Thank you also for calling me to say that I was a “serious person” and that you weren’t sure you could be with “an actual, legitimate adult.” Whom do you want to date, Robbie? A child? Thank you for ghosting forever after I, somewhat confused and a little exasperated, responded, “Yeah, dude, I have my life together.” It was nice to find out that some men really are looking for a hot mess.

Thank you, Thomas, Chris, and Matt, for screaming at me. It took three of you, but I learned something key for all future relationships: I never deserve to be screamed at. Never ever ever. It doesn’t matter if I’m flagrantly in the wrong; it doesn’t matter how passionate or upset anyone is. Screaming is not an option, and I will no longer accept that behavior. Each one of you had your own special ways of screaming at me (in your car, outside a bar, when I talked to any male at all…sort of the worst Dr. Seuss rhyme of all time, no?), and when I shut down because I am conflict-averse, it was nice to find out that your reaction would be to scream some more. Seriously, this is a huge thank-you for helping me build my standards and boundaries.

Now It’s Your Turn!

I would LOVE to read your thank you notes to the people who provided you with AFGO (another f*cking growth opportunity). Romantic, non-romantic, whatever! Please leave your thank yous in the comments so we can share our collective trauma wisdom. 

T$ Stamp of Approval 

• A team who will online date FOR you

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• A podcast that WILL warm your heart.

Full disclosure, I have a FULL girl crush on Rachel Martin. That name MIGHT sound familiar because she was co-host of NPR’s iconic Morning Edition. Now, she has her own show, Wildcard,  where she asks guests questions you would NEVER hear in a regular interview (example: “Do you think there's order in the universe, or is it all chaos?” “Do you think there's any part of us that will live on after we die?”). I LOVE this show because it goes deep, is super smart, but also super delightful and fun. In particular I recommend this episode with Ke Huy Quan because it lit me up with optimism. Also, this episode with David Lynch is kind of spectacular and a good way to remember the iconic director. 

• Support a woman-led, marketing business! 

Meet Shannon, one of the members of my coaching community, The Coven. Shannon is entering her tenth (!!) year as a full-time business owner and has overcome many challenges along the way - like economic downturns, growth pains, and balancing intense life challenges alongside it all. She has used tools like a gratitude practice and journaling rituals to build her business in a big way. Her marketing agency, Campfire Collective, believes in the power of a strong community - just like we do here at T$ Enterprises. They specialize in empowering clients and fueling growth through strategic, community-driven marketing and PR that ignite passion and drive a lasting impact. We love their warm, inviting, and unwavering approach - just like a well-tended fire that keeps glowing bright. Visit us at buildacampfire.com, or reach out to Head Trailblazer Shannon directly at shannon@buildacampfire.com. 

Happy Valentine’s Day, my friend.