My #1 Journaling Practice
It’s hard to describe just how miserable I was at the age of twenty-five. But that won’t stop me from trying: I lived in a constant storm of self-criticism, blood-boiling anxiety, and inundating depression. Just about the only belief I held in my heart was that I was worthless and needed external validation to make me “happy.” Whatever happy meant because I seriously had no clue what that sensation might feel like. I would walk down the streets of Manhattan openly weeping, sometimes with my right hand dug deep in my left armpit, trying to knead out my anxiety, or at other times snapping a rubber band I kept on my wrist to try to shock me out of my misery. I. Was. A. Mess.
By some miracle from the universe, a friend who had witnessed me live this way for almost five years suggested I read Julia Cameron’s The Artist's Way. “It’s like a twelve-step program towards healing your inner child and finding your creativity,” she told me. I rolled my eyes - HARD. The title alone sounded cheesy, lame, and made exclusively for “weak” people. But…I wasn’t just weak, I was lying on the bathroom floor sobbing my insides out exhausted. So, I read the book, did the twelve weeks of exercises it offered, and what do you know, voila, I found my life utterly transformed. It kind of was as easy as that. I still had a long way to go but The Artists Way set me on the path, gave me a compass, and even cheered me on.
Amongst the many wonderful, USEFUL, exercises for getting rid of your guilt and shame around creating (which turned out to be a big part of why I was so anxious), The Morning Pages was perhaps the most effective tool in the book. It’s a daily practice of stream-of-consciousness writing with strict rules. Julia Cameron mandates that every morning, the very first thing you do is fill up three, single-spaced, 8 ½ x 11, pages with your writing. You are not supposed to lift your pen, edit, or stop in any way during the exercise. You can’t do less than three pages and you can’t do it more either to avoid "self-involvement and narcissism". Thanks, Julia, because that’s a real risk with me.
I have been writing my morning pages, daily, for twelve years. Somewhere between page one and page thirteen-thousand, one-hundred and forty, I developed my own brand of Morning Pages that I’d like to share with you. I use every tool I discuss with you but this one is my Coke Classic, old reliable friend, journaling practice.
Tara’s Morning Pages
Write as close-ish to the beginning of your day as possible. You can do basic things like make your bed, brush your teeth, or get coffee before you journal.
Definitely do not look at a screen before you do your morning pages. No TVs, no tablets, no phones. Also, why is your phone in your bedroom? No thank you, please.
Write three, long-hand pages in whatever journal you please. Somehow, this usually takes 20 minutes, no matter the size of the journal.
YES you have to use pen and paper. Sorry.
ALWAYS mark the date at the top of the page, including the year.
DO NOT STOP WRITING, if you don’t know what to write, write that. “I don’t know what to write, why is Tara making me do this? I genuinely hate it.”
These pages are only for you. Do not share them with anyone at all. Do not even look back at what you’ve written.
If you’re afraid someone will read your pages, burn them or shred them. For real. A shredder is not that expensive and well worth it for the kind of emotional release you will experience.