I'm on GMA this Saturday morning!

a raw, behind the scenes look at what it takes to achieve your dreams

Hello my friend!

How are you doing this morning?

How am I? So glad you asked!

I’m doing great, amazing, ecstatic because tomorrow (Saturday) I will be on Good Morning America preaching the gospel of self-care for Mental Health Awareness Month! Initiate life dreams coming true!

The reason I am making this the subject of today’s newsletter (and not just a footnote) is because I often look at other authors and entrepreneurs and I think, “UGH! I’m so behind! How did they get THAT? How did it come so easily to them?! What’s wrong with me that I don’t have that!”

I’m on at 10:45 AM Eastern - just record the whole thing why don’t you?

The reason I often think I’m behind is because of how success is often portrayed. I find that mostly people hide the amount of effort they put into things. Authors, creators, celebrities, etc, post pictures that seem to scream “It’s all smiles and fun and nooooo…I never doubted myself, not for a second! Look at me at The Met Gala!” They don’t show us the struggle even if the struggle is SO real.

So, I thought it was possible that some writer, somewhere, looks at me and thinks, “Wow, how did that come so easily to her? I’m grinding as hard as I can and getting zilch!” and if that’s the case, I just wanted to dispel the idea that anything is easy.

Here’s the real, behind-the-scenes scoop: Everything is hard

Ever watch a ballet dancer glide effortlessly across the stage or a CEO navigate a high-stakes negotiation with unruffled grace? What we are witnessing is not ease, what we are witnessing is just the tip of an enormous, ominous, iceberg of effort, struggle, and relentless practice. For every minute of effortless performance, there are countless hours of unseen work, failed attempts, sandwiches shoved in your mouth over a garbage can to catch falling lettuce because “there is no time,” and “oh-my-god-why-am-I-even-trying?” doom spirals.

For me, I wanted to be a writer since I was a child but lacked the confidence to “go for it.” I also lacked the money. I didn’t have parents who could back me up financially or otherwise so I had a whole other complete career as a comedy executive wherein I AGGRESSIVELY saved money before I became a writer because I was so afraid of failure. Even after I had been in the New Yorker (this might be my favorite thing I ever wrote) and sold my first book for a great advance, a point at which many writers might think, “Gee! This might work!” - I was so paranoid that I would fail that I stayed at my full-time, stressful, corporate job and wrote my book every morning before work, on weekends, and during vacations. For two years.

I look back at that time fondly. I’m proud of the effort I made. Every single ounce of effort was worth it and I regret nothing. I’m not complaining. I just want to make it super clear: it was worth doing, I’m so glad I did, but it was not easy.

You think you’re doing it wrong because it’s hard, but it might just be hard

To this day I can think, “What am I doing wrong? Why is this so hard?” But my friend Laura Belgray recently dropped the truth bomb on me that “maybe things aren’t hard because your doing anything wrong, maybe they just are hard.” MIND BLOWN!

But hard is fine!

I am trying to shift my mind to accept that hard is not a problem as long as I really believe in what I’m doing. Yes, creating the career I wanted was hard, but it’s also fun, unbelievably rewarding, I MEET THE COOLEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, and I live most of my days in a state of “YES!” You could not pay me to go backwards in time (well, you could if this whole career ends up blowing up and I need cash, knocks on wood). And! I’m trying to laugh more and be a little more loose with what “success” actually looks like. This Good Morning America appearance is the perfect example.

I have been trying to get on the show for a sweaty four years. For four years I have heard I’m too edgy, I’m not morning material, blah, blah, a million reasons why it couldn’t happen. I was NEVER told this by GMA or anyone who worked there, but by own support network who I think were afraid of how rejection might hurt me.

After four years of waiting for other people to get me booked, I figured out how to get in touch with GMA, got in touch despite being SO scared they would never reply to my emails, and showed up to every meeting (interviews really!) like it was the most important moment in my life. I was prepared. I called friends and had rehearsal calls. I was on point. I looked TV ready just in case our meeting turned out to be a Zoom, not a call as indicated. Why? Because I believed in it! Self-care is just about my favorite topic in the world - it saved my life (literally) SO being able to speak to it on a large platform I knew would be worth every ounce of effort I gave it. Eventually, I landed the segment.

And now, it’s happening! Maybe! There is a 50% chance it doesn’t happen! What if there’s yet another world crisis? They will kill my segment so quickly it will be as if it never existed at all. But this doesn’t bother me. Why? 1) Because I enjoyed the entire process! I met cool people, I learned a lot more about mental health in an effort to be super clear about my talking points, and I gained confidence in just knowing that anyone at a place as venerable as GMA even know my name. And 2) I now have the confidence to know that just because something isn’t happening today, doesn’t mean it’s not happening, ever. I know what the game is: work hard in the right direction, don’t be a dick, contribute value not garbage, and things are bound to work out. You need a lot of grit, a little luck, and utter preparation but generally, when I see others with those ingredients - they tend to get what they go after.

Hard is fine. Hard is even good because you learn SO much. But what’s not fine is staying on sidelines of your life, pinning for something but never going after it because you’re afraid you can’t achieve it. That’s not fine at all.

But isn’t too much hustle bad? Aren’t we over “girl boss?”

Honestly, I don’t think you can achieve “bigger” things without some amount of hustle at the start. I’m sorry. You need to build momentum! Just try to re-frame it. The hustle shouldn’t be your personality, your life, or the basis of your self-worth. And…ideally you’re going after something YOU value. Not society, not your parents, but that you, for real, want and think is worthy. Anything in the direction of fulfilling your own potential and your dreams is worth it. And also: I think we will have a backlash to the backlash against “girl boss” in five years. But that’s a topic for a different newsletter!

Look Beyond the Shine

So, the next time you watch someone making something look easy, nod knowingly. Appreciate the artistry, yes, but also send a silent salute to the hours of labor you know are hiding behind the curtain of ease.

If you see me do something that looks easy - PLEASE remember this little talk we had. You can ask me! I’ll tell you the level of difficulty! I’ve got nothing to hide because hard work, for the right thing, is something be mega proud of, not be embarrassed by.

And above all, remember this: You, too, are on your way to making something look effortless to someone else watching from afar. And when you eventually do—because you will - remember to offer a gentle smile to those now in awe of your “ease,” just as you were once mesmerized by the ease of others before you.

Stay gritty, stay graceful, and for the love of God watch me on GMA,

PS: If you have any questions AT ALL on this topic, drop them in the comments and I’ll answer anything.