I hated self-help

Until I made it my life's work

Hello, fam!

As I am about to turn in my third book to my publisher (my very own journal!!!), I've been reflecting on my career pivot from corporate executive to author and now…wtf am I? Helper? Coach? Speaker? Facilitator of a Coven? Well, that one is really, really true 🧙. I don’t know what to call myself other than I know I like to support people on their journeys and… I’m kind of a ham. I like to make you laugh. (PS: if you can give me a job title PLEASE drop it in the comments because I feel like I have an identity crisis every damn day).

What’s wild to me is that I like coaching or leading workshops at all because, if we’re real, I started off DEEPLY distrustful of the self-help industrial complex and terms like “coach” made me gag a little. I was a hardcore skeptic to say the least. I remember being at a fancy conference where Eric Schmidt, former CEO of Google, was waxing poetic about the benefits of having a coach. I rolled my eyes SO HARD they almost got stuck in the back of my head. Who needs a coach? I self-righteously thought. Isn’t this just a never ending loop of self-help? I laughed. Coaches are for the out of touch rich, not me! I can heal, get better, and build a life without help from anyone else. I DON’T NEED SOMEONE ELSE!

A photo from the first Zoom workshop I ever did! Look at the hearts! And my very dirty computer monitor!

Cut to four years later where I have both hired a business coach (hi, Selena!) and am a coach and I’ve realized something I never thought I would: maybe you CAN do things alone, but you don’t get a prize for “who put themselves through the most misery.”

There is no special gold star given to the person who “never asked for help,” and in fact, looking back, I kind of kick myself for how much time I wasted by insisting I go it alone. And sure, there are lots of charlatans out there, but there are also really excellent people who genuinely want to be helpful - I know because I’ve hired them! Just don’t trust the ones who claim to have all the answers…because that’s insane.

Here’s what I look for in a coach/therapist/anyone doing personal or business development work with me:

• Their values align with mine (I can generally tell this by how they “sell” themselves, etc).

• They do not claim to be God or any other spirit. They retain their human form.

• They are further down the road than me in some key way. They don’t have to be at the finish line, but they have enough distance from me that I can learn from them.

• They are super smart and resourceful - if they don’t have the answer - I trust they will find it! 

• They seem legit!!! There is some kind of reference! Even if it’s just their testimonials on their site or that they are somewhat “famous.” I can look them up and find real information on them. THIS APPLIES TO THERAPISTS AS WELL! You better be damn sure I’m vetting their website!

• They care, right from the jump. They REMEMBER what I said to them and track my story. There is nothing I hate more then when someone you pay has no clue who “Candace” is even though you’ve talked non-stop about Candace for four months. 

• PS- I could do a whole post on questions you can ask a therapist - would you want that? Let me know in the comments!

If we boil it down: all your really need is someone smart, who knows practical skills, who has values that align with you, and who is further down the field than you are in some key way.  And DEFINITELY don’t trust the ones offering you sashes and colloidal silver water. 

So yeah, I guess I’m now a true believer in the idea that we can heal and that it’s okay, and probably advisable to ask for help! 

And so I now turn to you with a humble question: how can I help you? I’ve asked before but in case you missed it - can you pretty please fill out this survey and help me come up with offerings for YOU? Truly really, as I plot the next four years I need input from you because this is for you.

As a special thank you, by filling out the survey, you’ll be entered to win a self-care box of all my FAVORITE THINGS. Like Oprah’s favorite things but WAY less fancy. Lol, at least I’m honest.

Looking forward to hearing from you and THANK YOU for taking care of yourself, or at least trying to. I’m doing the same and I think it’s one of the most worthwhile things you can do - not only for yourself, but for everyone around you.