Such a thoughtful response. Thanks, Tara. Healing is also not a process with a definite end point. It’s an ongoing discovery that happens every day through new encounters with other human beings. I used to think with enough healing, there would be a day when I wouldn’t feel shame about XYZ issue or procrastinate or ever again struggle with emotional intimacy. So not the case! Inner work does, eventually, bring greater stability, but not happiness. Because happiness is not an everlasting condition. It is sometimes you have to seek out every day. Contentment can come from enough healing though, in my experience. Contentment for where you are right now as a human being. Which is different than happiness, which often comes with striving for more and more.
Thank you, my namesake! Yes, I love the distinction you are making between happiness and contentment - I completely agree with that. I DO feel content quite often, but "happiness" is something different and more fleeting. I actually kind of don't even know what it means - the word has been so watered down and there are so many people offering to help you "be happy" IF ONLY you read their book, take their supplement, etc.
I'm glad you're on this healing journey with me and see that it's a process...and the process can be beautiful.
What an incredible letter, Tara. I've never heard it so clearly and beautifully written out and explained.
I met my true self for the first time maybe a year or so ago (at 36!!) and it was life changing. For that feeling I will keep healing! (She's not always coming out lol Still lots of other parts in charge over here...)
Kristin! Thanks so much for you kind words and YES YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES to meeting your true self. It becomes easier and easier over time. But I'm sure you're seeing that. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully written letter, Tara! This excerpt really resonates with me: "Healing raises the baseline (the place you return to) from chaos to something calmer, kinder, and more livable. And as that baseline rises, you rise with it. You become a steadier, gentler, more peaceful version of yourself… not because life stopped life-ing, but because you finally know how to stand with yourself in the thick of it."
I appreciate how you write about the process of self-evolution and reflecting on how the quality of life improves! Yes, we will still ride the waves of life but with healing we have a stronger boat, a more steady surfboard, or stronger swimming arms lol there are so many good metaphors to apply to this concept of healing. The journal prompts were indeed bomb.com. I just read today's letter after a boxing class, and writing my journal prompt responses were the perfect way to get back to stillness and decompress after class.
Bahahaha thank you for seeing the journal prompts as the bomb.com.
And yes....you are RIGHT ON. It's not that one day we are like, happy, healed, and perf. It's rather that we get better at better at riding the waves (or having the stronger arms - lol, etc).
Thank you for seeing this and letting me know about your boxing moment. I feel like I was there with you.
I absolutely loved this post! I feel lighter and myself again after years of healing work. It won’t change the past, but it changes how I step forward into the present. And future me is so grateful for that work, to allow new experiences and welcome goodness back into my life.
YES!!!! Future You is ALWAYS grateful for the work you do on Present and Past You. You give her more opportunities to become the person she most wants to be. I think you are seeing this exactly as it is: we have no power to change the past and LOTS of power to change how we step into now. Love hearing your thoughts. Thank you.
Wow Tara. You just knocked me on my ass and I that is exactly what I needed at this exact moment. This line blew me away: Genuinely, f*ck this, I didn’t come this far just to ghost myself now.
I have been on a non-stop, over-the-edge healing journey for over 20 years now. I am 61 years old and my auto-pilot self is still my 6 year old frightened, people-pleasing inner child being raised by damaged angry unavailable parents crushing my spirit with shame and fear. Everything you write rings true to me- but this line rocked my world and I will keep that front and center in my heart and mind as I continue to pursue healing. Wow. Thanks. Also I would like to ask you a question: Re-parenting my precious inner child has been life-changing and empowering. I no longer wonder why I act like I do or why all my life decisions have always been for others benefit. I realize now that I have been Fawning/people-pleasing my entire life and never learned how to care or think about what I want or need. I know it stems from childhood trauma C-PTSD. OK- here is my question: digging into my ugly childhood trauma story has given me insight into why I struggle - but now that I know all this- it seems that each day I grow more angry at my parents (both deceased) for their emotional neglect and my cruel, emotionally cold childhood void of love. How can stop my anger spiral- obsessing over how f*cked-up I am as a result of my parents choices? How can I get past this unhealthy anger and focus on the present and my healing efforts? I feel trapped in this inner child work. I work with a therapist, now and in the past 20 years. The inner child work was so impactful, but I feel stuck in it now - it is becoming toxic. I have tried all the basic ideas like empty chair work, writing a letter to my dead parents, going to a rage room and breaking boxes of dishes, the list goes on... What advice do you have for me? Thanks so much for all you do and share with all of us. Your books have been totally life-changing.
My dearest Ann! Thank you so much for your thoughtful response - I'm so glad that line stuck with you. Because genuinely - there's NO F*CKING WAY I'm going back or ghosting myself at this point. I'm sure you feel the same - EVEN when it's hard.
I LOVE your question - SO well articulated. And something I hear often and am pivoting into...once we've done the word, how do we transcend trauma? I would love to answer this as an Ask T Anything if you don't mind. Your note is too beautifully written for me to give a quick reply. But one question: is how often do you sit with that six year old and tell her how unfair it all was? How often do you validate her anger. Because...in my experience...one of the fastest ways to move through our anger is to sit with it and make sure it knows we are listening and honor it. More to come as I chew on it...
Such a thoughtful response. Thanks, Tara. Healing is also not a process with a definite end point. It’s an ongoing discovery that happens every day through new encounters with other human beings. I used to think with enough healing, there would be a day when I wouldn’t feel shame about XYZ issue or procrastinate or ever again struggle with emotional intimacy. So not the case! Inner work does, eventually, bring greater stability, but not happiness. Because happiness is not an everlasting condition. It is sometimes you have to seek out every day. Contentment can come from enough healing though, in my experience. Contentment for where you are right now as a human being. Which is different than happiness, which often comes with striving for more and more.
Thank you, my namesake! Yes, I love the distinction you are making between happiness and contentment - I completely agree with that. I DO feel content quite often, but "happiness" is something different and more fleeting. I actually kind of don't even know what it means - the word has been so watered down and there are so many people offering to help you "be happy" IF ONLY you read their book, take their supplement, etc.
I'm glad you're on this healing journey with me and see that it's a process...and the process can be beautiful.
What an incredible letter, Tara. I've never heard it so clearly and beautifully written out and explained.
I met my true self for the first time maybe a year or so ago (at 36!!) and it was life changing. For that feeling I will keep healing! (She's not always coming out lol Still lots of other parts in charge over here...)
Much love 😍
Kristin! Thanks so much for you kind words and YES YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES to meeting your true self. It becomes easier and easier over time. But I'm sure you're seeing that. Thank you for sharing.
Beautifully written letter, Tara! This excerpt really resonates with me: "Healing raises the baseline (the place you return to) from chaos to something calmer, kinder, and more livable. And as that baseline rises, you rise with it. You become a steadier, gentler, more peaceful version of yourself… not because life stopped life-ing, but because you finally know how to stand with yourself in the thick of it."
I appreciate how you write about the process of self-evolution and reflecting on how the quality of life improves! Yes, we will still ride the waves of life but with healing we have a stronger boat, a more steady surfboard, or stronger swimming arms lol there are so many good metaphors to apply to this concept of healing. The journal prompts were indeed bomb.com. I just read today's letter after a boxing class, and writing my journal prompt responses were the perfect way to get back to stillness and decompress after class.
Bahahaha thank you for seeing the journal prompts as the bomb.com.
And yes....you are RIGHT ON. It's not that one day we are like, happy, healed, and perf. It's rather that we get better at better at riding the waves (or having the stronger arms - lol, etc).
Thank you for seeing this and letting me know about your boxing moment. I feel like I was there with you.
XO
T
I absolutely loved this post! I feel lighter and myself again after years of healing work. It won’t change the past, but it changes how I step forward into the present. And future me is so grateful for that work, to allow new experiences and welcome goodness back into my life.
YES!!!! Future You is ALWAYS grateful for the work you do on Present and Past You. You give her more opportunities to become the person she most wants to be. I think you are seeing this exactly as it is: we have no power to change the past and LOTS of power to change how we step into now. Love hearing your thoughts. Thank you.
Wow Tara. You just knocked me on my ass and I that is exactly what I needed at this exact moment. This line blew me away: Genuinely, f*ck this, I didn’t come this far just to ghost myself now.
I have been on a non-stop, over-the-edge healing journey for over 20 years now. I am 61 years old and my auto-pilot self is still my 6 year old frightened, people-pleasing inner child being raised by damaged angry unavailable parents crushing my spirit with shame and fear. Everything you write rings true to me- but this line rocked my world and I will keep that front and center in my heart and mind as I continue to pursue healing. Wow. Thanks. Also I would like to ask you a question: Re-parenting my precious inner child has been life-changing and empowering. I no longer wonder why I act like I do or why all my life decisions have always been for others benefit. I realize now that I have been Fawning/people-pleasing my entire life and never learned how to care or think about what I want or need. I know it stems from childhood trauma C-PTSD. OK- here is my question: digging into my ugly childhood trauma story has given me insight into why I struggle - but now that I know all this- it seems that each day I grow more angry at my parents (both deceased) for their emotional neglect and my cruel, emotionally cold childhood void of love. How can stop my anger spiral- obsessing over how f*cked-up I am as a result of my parents choices? How can I get past this unhealthy anger and focus on the present and my healing efforts? I feel trapped in this inner child work. I work with a therapist, now and in the past 20 years. The inner child work was so impactful, but I feel stuck in it now - it is becoming toxic. I have tried all the basic ideas like empty chair work, writing a letter to my dead parents, going to a rage room and breaking boxes of dishes, the list goes on... What advice do you have for me? Thanks so much for all you do and share with all of us. Your books have been totally life-changing.
My dearest Ann! Thank you so much for your thoughtful response - I'm so glad that line stuck with you. Because genuinely - there's NO F*CKING WAY I'm going back or ghosting myself at this point. I'm sure you feel the same - EVEN when it's hard.
I LOVE your question - SO well articulated. And something I hear often and am pivoting into...once we've done the word, how do we transcend trauma? I would love to answer this as an Ask T Anything if you don't mind. Your note is too beautifully written for me to give a quick reply. But one question: is how often do you sit with that six year old and tell her how unfair it all was? How often do you validate her anger. Because...in my experience...one of the fastest ways to move through our anger is to sit with it and make sure it knows we are listening and honor it. More to come as I chew on it...
XO
T