Affirmation Scaffolding
upgraded, HELPFUL, positive affirmations await!
This week: Affirmation Scaffolding
You know that painful voice in your head that loud whispers, “You’re not good enough,” or “There’s something wrong with you,” or my favorite, golden, oldie, “You’re not lovable?” Of course, you know that voice because human.
I call that inner critic my Frenemy Within. While a good, real friend will tell you when you’ve made a mistake, help you find a solution, and then move off the subject, a Frenemy Within seems determined to exaggerate and chronically remind you of ALL your supposed shortcomings without ever offering insight or help.
For years decades I did nothing about my Frenemy Within. I assumed this was just the default way I thought about life and that while unpleasant, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Well, it turns out this inner judgment is a very big deal - it’s bad for our health.
Growing research, such as A 2006 study in The Journal of Somatic Research, found that chronic, negative, inner chatter can have long-term health consequences, including inducing anxiety, depression, heart attacks and even cancer. Yes, this is real. Another study of two thousand men observed over six years, found that those who thought poorly of themselves had a three-fold increased risk for death and injury in comparison to a control group. So…yeah. It’s wild how bad for us our negative beliefs are.
What can we do about this?
I’m so glad you asked!
We have to interrupt and then change the stories we are telling ourselves and there is no better place to do that than within a journal. With enough consistent repetition of new stories (ones that are frankly, more in line with reality) we can change how our brains think. My go-to, perfected method that changed my inner dialogue, thus changed my everyday life, I call Affirmation Scaffolding. Ewww…do you mean positive affirmations? You ask, slightly worried I’m about to go off on a new-aged rant. These are the “hot cousin who also enrolled in the Peace Corps” to positive affirmations.
Possible Resistance to dealing with your Frenemy Within
Objection: “But, Tara, doesn’t my inner critic motivate me? If I’m kind to myself, won’t that stop me from progressing?
Truth: I wish. Because if that were true I’d be queen of achievement. The research tells us that excessive self-criticism gets in the way of us achieving our goals and leads others to think we are less attentive and less competent (The Self-Talk Workout, 19)!
Self-acceptance (not listening to your Frenemy Within), on the other hand, helps us feel more motivated to improve ourselves and our work, make amends, and avoid repeating the same mistakes. Self-accepting people aim just as high as self-critical people but get a little further, are judged less harshly by others, and don’t experience the suffering of their minds being nuclear waste zones for self-esteem. Must be nice. If you want to be your most productive self it turns out it pays to be your most self-compassionate self (Breines, J. G., & Chen, S.). Oh, the paradox!